Acknowledgments: for Elizabeth Van Dyke and our summers with the Korossys, you being my favorite most brilliant hot girl I ever hung out with all summer with and Maisie Hills whose gorgeousness and contempt for me terrified me; FOR MYSELF FOR BEING SUCH A FAKE REAL MAN THAT I NEARLY KILLED MYSELF JUST TRYING TO OPEN A BOTTLE OF WINE ONCE ACTUALLY—LOATHING WINE LARGELY BECAUSE I CAN’T OPEN A BOTTLE OF IT TO SAVE MY LIFE AND STILL HAVING NO GODDAMN IDEA HOW TO TIE A TIE DESPITE TERRIBLY WANTING TO WEAR TIES!!!